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The Perfect Marriage

Updated: Dec 9, 2019

It's Marriage Monday and my wife and I have been feverishly working all day with the hopes of slowing down long enough to eat dinner and maybe watch a good movie. We are coming up on our 15 year anniversary and there is much that I want to do for her but financially we are unable to make it work.


I used to get overwhelmed when I felt strapped for cash, especially when I knew it hindered me giving my wife something I knew she wanted. However, I would overlook the inexpensive things that she may have wanted. Things like a handwritten letter. Or a personalized video (not because she is so extravagant but only because I'm a videographer) :-) She also likes when I hold her hand or randomly dip her like we are on the dance floor. To me, these things are cheap knock offs for the "real" gifts...diamonds (actually pearls are her favorite), electronics (actually those are my favorite), or new clothes, purses and shoes (neither of us put a lot of energy or money into those).



When I think about it, my wife is perfect. Not because of her beautiful smile or eyes (both of which I love though) but because of her desire to grow and learn in our marriage. She is very sensitive to me and my needs and is always willing to make adjustments. I appreciate that. I, on the other hand, tend to clumsily remember the things she likes that don't cost me a dime. I must admit that it's difficult for me to grasp that she would really want a hand-written letter over some expensive gift that I can't afford.


Over the years we have both been very intentional with our willingness to communicate openly and honestly with one another. We talk things out...ok, maybe I yell a little, and maybe she doesn't always agree with me. She calls it "heated fellowship" while our friends just call us "crazy." I don't know what to call it except healthy communication. I think it's ok for two people to have two different perspectives and to voice their perspective freely. I'm not offended when my wife does not agree with me and she the same.


I do, however, have a problem with holding back a question, concern, or thought from my wife because I'm afraid of what may follow. That is what I consider to be unhealthy. When we first got married we seemed to argue about everything! The toothpaste, the dishes, sex, the in-laws, etc. Literally, everything. Today, almost 15 years later I'm so grateful we did. It helped us get an understanding of each other's values and perspectives. I don't regret one "heated fellowship" we've ever had. Through each time we both can honestly say we learned something and are better for it.



Our marriage isn't perfect but that's not our goal. Our goal is to be healthy. I will leave you with my favorite marriage advice. On our marriage day, near the end of the reception, a wonderful couple walked up to us and shared a valuable tip. They said, "In marriage, you're going to fight (not physically but arguments/disagreements), but when you fight, FIGHT NAKED!" As a newlywed I took that very literal and could not wait until our first argument, as you can imagine. But as I grow in marriage I see it differently.


My wife and I still have "heated fellowship" to this day but when we do, we do it naked. I don't mean we take off our clothes. But we don't hold anything back or cover our true feelings from one another. We have learned to ask questions and seek understanding. For that I am grateful. So for those of you with a perfect marriage, kudos, but I’ll have to pass! I’m content with maintaining my healthy marriage by continuing to grow and learn from and with my wife.


If you are looking to improve the communication in your marriage we would love to connect with you and share a completely free resource called "Effective Communication In Marriage."

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